Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i out mim tonsoeep
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