My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
