Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
