so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
