why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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