He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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