Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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