That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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