So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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