Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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