Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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