there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
