I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Randomize
