Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
