We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
