who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
