I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
