Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
