Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
