Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
