I'm lost and stupid without you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
