I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
