I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
