When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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