Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
