in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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