Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my poor anus
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
