Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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