She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
