I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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