There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
