You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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