Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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