Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
