I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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