This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
