whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
