found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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