talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
