yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
