she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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