Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
