we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
