She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
