I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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