something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
