I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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