I am in a vortex of obligation.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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