My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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