I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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