My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
